Editor In Butch

Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Another Word For Happy…

In Edugaytion, Relationships, The Nouveau Butch on June 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

This book, in our humble opinion, embodies the spirit of a certain kind of girl: the kind of girl who grows up to be the Nouveau Butch.  Thank you to the Author for telling this story.  It’s one many of us have lived, and we live it again through your pages.

This book will take you back to a time when love and anxiety felt very much the same.  Butterflies, red cheeks, new feelings, and sheer unbridled panic are the perfect cocktail for your first affair.  And you’ll get a healthy dose of all these things when you read Another Word For Happy… something we hope you’ll do soon!

Presently available for Kindle (or Kindle Ap) only — other versions to be released later this year — you can purchase yours here.

Happy reading Butches!

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The Most Perfect Day-t

In Relationships, The Nouveau Butch on May 12, 2010 at 1:55 am

Yesterday my girlfriend and I played hookie.  She had “oral surgery” and I had “uncontrollable diarrhea.” Whatever the excuse, I highly advise taking some time to yourself—either with a lady friend or a great friend who is a lady.  There’s something romantic and conspiratorial about taking the day to lay low and do all the things that you can’t quite fit into a weekend.  If you’re in a big city, take the day to be a tourist; if you’re in New York, feel free to follow this blue-print.  Save some moves for a surprise, fill your date in on as much or as little as you like, but this was our perfect day—adlib as needed:

10:30am Wake up slowly. (Kiss your girlfriend.)

11am  Lemon Ricotta egg-pancakes with fresh blueberries. (Recipe to follow.)

12noon Row boats in Central Park (72nd Street @ The Boathouse)

1:15pm Sailboats at the pond in Central Park (Just down the path)

2pm Lunch at Alice’s Tea Cup (The experience is extraordinary, as is the tea!)

3pm Dylan’s Candy Bar (Treat yourself to sweets!)

3:45pm Bloomingdale’s (Maybe the morning put you in the mood for boat shoes?)

5pm Le Colonial, (Cocktails upstairs will transport you.)

6pm Cartier, (The dreams are for free.)

7pm The Supple Spa, (Couple’s massage—trust me, at this point, you’ll need it.)

8:30pm Dinner at Gascogne (Quiet and romantic, ask to sit in the garden.)

10pm—Shower by candlelight. (There are no words.)

12pm—Fall asleep knowing you’ve enjoyed this day to it’s fullest. (Kiss your girlfriend again for good measure.)

And even if your sweetheart disappears in the night, or catches some early flight for a long business trip where she’ll now have to fake a toothache, the joy you’ve squeezed out of this one day should last you the duration of her absence.

All the happiness in the world to each of you.

Cheers,

E.I.B.

Love in the time of Poverty

In Edugaytion, Relationships, The Nouveau Butch on May 21, 2009 at 2:06 am

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Ok, so we’re all a little recession-struck at present.

Here are a few hot tips on how to keep your lover’s spirits up and share the love without dipping too deep into your pockets…and maybe, if you’re lucky, she’ll dip in just past your pockets later.

 

 

1. LICK IT. STICK IT.

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Send your lover a note in the mail—better yet, make it a post-card.  Hand written notes are always romantic, always appreciated; and even if you live together, dropping a note in the mail-box at work and sending it home seems silly and sweet.  It’s a way to put a smile on your lady’s face for just over 50 cents.

 

 

 

2.  BEAT IT.

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A dozen eggs costs anywhere from $.99 to $6.99 (depending on the city you live in); that’s breakfast for two for a whole work-week!  Get up early and scramble some eggs. It’s easy, and it shows that you’re willing to put forth the effort to make up for the lack of cash you’re able to ‘shell’ out.

 

 

 

 

 

3. JUST DANCE.

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Put on some Gaga and get all googoo-eyed for your lady in the comfort of your own home.  A spontaneous dance-party in the living room could ‘lead’ to a dirty dance party in the bedroom.  It’s a fine line between the mambo and the horizontal mambo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s important to remember to spoil your lady, even when you’re feeling broke.  Spoil her with compliments, spoil her with affection, spoil her with love.  Sure it’s fun to give a grandiose gift, do a fancy dinner, or take a trip together—but the building blocks of a strong relationship are made with love, not finances.  So be resourceful, even when your resources are low!

NB²

In Relationships, The Nouveau Butch on February 6, 2009 at 6:13 am

youre-the-topI was at a party recently and met a woman who had the most fascinating stories.  She was extremely well-traveled, had seen so many things, and met really interesting people.  She told her stories with a sense of importance and urgency. Listening to her was truly an experience.  But if you would have asked who made the greatest impression on me that night, I would not have said her.  There was someone else there, someone who listened to me with a sense of importance and urgency, who asked me questions, and made me feel like the most interesting person in the room.  This was truly a master NB.  

Most of the time I consider myself the top, the Mona Lisa, the top, the Tower of Pisa…. You get the point.  But once in a blue moon, there’s someone who out-maneuvers me, who places me in her sights, and treats me the way I make great effort to treat others.  Without even realizing, I find myself at the mercy of another NB, and I do my best to enjoy the ride.  When the charm is performed well, it’s disarming and incredibly enjoyable.  I take it as an opportunity to enjoy the view from the other side of the bridge.  Of course there’s a small part of me taking notes and stealing moves, but I try to do my best to play the part of the “lady” and accept the attention of another adoring butch.  Once I have my bearings, I fall back into my natural manner of NB courtesy and we race around the city, both reaching for door-handles at the same time, fighting over dinner-checks (and eventually wrestling our way around the bedroom).  Inevitably, we come to some impasse and both get our backs up about something completely inarguable–but in the beginning, it’s always grand.

I don’t particularly care for the notion of strict gender-roles, especially in the context of a lesbian relationship; and I’d like to think that if the hearts are matched, the details will work themselves out.  But I will admit that the longest running relationships I’ve experienced or born witness to have been of a somewhat symbiotic nature wherein the strengths of one (i.e. some kind of stability, preparation, and/or positivity) compensate for the needs of the other–and these things often go hand-in-hand with the stereotypical male/female motif.  So the question remains: if one NB enters the harbor at 6am traveling at a speed 30 knots, and another steps out onto the dock at 8am with a soy late and a copy of The Island Packet–is it possible they’ll notice each other’s madras shorts by the lighthouse and fall in love?  Hopeless romantic that I am, methinks yes.

I’ll be the first to admit when I’m wrong, but I think that if two NB’s fall in love, the potential for passion is prodigious–to say the least.  A lifetime of courtesy and consideration becomes enormously appealing at a certain point in one’s lesbian career.  After you’ve had the bad girls, been kicked around by the tom-boys, and drowned in someone’s puddle of mixed (yet shallow) emotions, even the sturdiest of butches can see the benefits of meeting someone of like-mind.  It’s the opinion of this NB that as long as the physical connection is strong, and the emotional one is of equal weight, the rest can be sorted with relative ease.  And as we expand our search, open our eyes to all opportunities, and listen to the quiet ones–we may find that when similarities are superficial but the connections are deep, the possibility for compatibility is extraordinary indeed.  Fortunately, our generation of Gay has blown the doors off of the boring boxes of BUTCH/FEMME–at least the all-caps kinds….  The beauty of the  Nouveau Butch is that she knows the performance of gender to be just that: a performance.  We acknowledge that all the world is a stage, and we play whatever part pleases us. Granted, playing the butch is preferable to me (most of the time), but not to the exclusion of any other beneficial behaviors–and certainly not for the purpose of exerting power to prove predominance.  The NB is flexible, not rigid.  Compromise is key–not for the sake of the sacrifice (martyrdom is terribly tiresome), but for the greater good, the pleasure of all parties involved.  And that is the the intention of every move in the NB handbook.

As Always,

E.I.B.

Breaking Up With Straight People

In Relationships on February 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm

breaking-up

The other night my girlfriend and I took a straight friend of ours out to eat for her birthday. She’s starting a high-powered new job next week and these two factors are causing her to re-evaluate her life. She has been divorced for a few years and has been dating unsuccessfully for the past few months. Recently, she  asked another straight friend of hers why she’s having such a hard time finding a man. Her friend offered some powerful insight, “You need to stop hanging out with lesbians all the time.”

“Oh my God,” I replied, “are we breaking up?” I immediately started going through the list of single straight men I knew in my head. I got to about 8 and than I went blank. I became crippled with fear. Does this mean I’m going to have to spend more time in straight bars in order to hang out with her? I mean, she’s one of my best friends, but the thought of McFadden’s on a Friday night is enough to make me contemplate looking for a new best friend, immediately.  

I spent too much of my 20’s in straight bars watching girls look for husbands while guys looked for one night stands. Until I came out, I occasionally joined in the mating process (although it was generally awkward and ended with me kicking them out of my apartment before the sun rose and the alcohol wore off). I finally moved away from the Upper East Side and am now in a neighborhood full of bars that I enjoy–bars where the men love Madonna and the women love football. I’m with my people. Unfortunately, my people are causing my straight best friend to go home alone at night. 

I started wondering how many other people have found themselves in this position. I envisioned myself back in straight bars again trying to play wingman for my friend while secretly looking around for the other gays who had been dragged there in order to save their friendships. A simple gesture might give them away; a guy trying to control his desire to dance when Beyonce came on or a girl looking longingly at a man’s Burberry tie. We would catch eyes, my fellow gay martyr and I, and share a nod–a nod that said, “Hey fellow homosexual friend, aren’t we amazing for doing this in order to save our friendships? Don’t we deserve some kind of reward for the good deeds were doing? Aren’t we amazing? Do you ever think they’ll play Madonna’s Holiday because I really love that song and I think every bar in the world should be required to play it at midnight when I’m drunk enough to think that I’m a really good dancer. Carry on my fellow homosexual soldier, carry on.” So maybe we would need something longer than a nod; but my point is: We shouldn’t have to do this! There has to be a better way! 

The idea that my sexuality has become an unintentional cock-blocker to my best friend was getting to me. I needed to figure out a way to get her a man while still maintaining our almost constant schedule of hanging out. I couldn’t let her date some guy without my being there to judge him and ultimately mock him behind his back. I needed a solution. And then it hit me. I imagine Bill Gates had an epiphany much like this when he started Microsoft. I’ll have to ask him when we become friends because my plan is so genius we will soon be in the same tax bracket. There should be a dating website for gay people with straight single friends who are looking to date. I know, genius balls, right? We could use the site to find our straight friend’s potential dates, dates that could take place in gay bars! Dates that could take place with the gay friends that set them up monitoring, and judging, and controlling the jukebox! Think of the humanitarian high five we’ll receive. See world, you see? We don’t care that 51% of you said we couldn’t get married; the gay community is going to find you love! We’ll call it turntheothercheek[dot]something (com, net, org, etc), and we will never, ever again be faced with the possibility of losing our straight best friends! It’s gonna be huge! We’re going to change lives! It’s going to be epic! 

It’s not gonna work, is it? 

I’ll be holding interviews for the position of my new best friend this Wednesday from 5 to 7 at The Cubby Hole. Only people with a strong tolerance for whining, narcissism, and alcoholism need apply.

Your Sarcastically Opinionated Buddy,

Bossy Bottom