There’s no way around, over, or under it–every butch needs to know how to tie a tie. Whether you’re NB or totes old school, this is a skill you can’t be without. And truthfully, whether butch or femme, the right piece of neckwear can be just the thing to attract the attention of all the young witches & wenches…
This is a joke. Please never dress like this. Unless the invitation says "Hogwarts HO-down," this outfit is always unacceptable.
The following is a brief tutorial on different knots and what they may or may not imply about your personality, sexuality, sexual prowess, and/or general level of competence.
The Half Windsor Knot
This knot screams “I overslept!” or “I tied this in the elevator!” or “I don’t want a promotion!” The single windsor is unavoidably lopsided and always undersized to be the centerpiece of one’s appearance from the chest up. It never looks neat, and often gives the impression that the wearer took no care in presenting herself this morning–which is clearly not the case. The NB supports this knot ONLY if the wearer is extremely thin, wearing a skinny tie, and going for a modified Jonas Brothers look with lots of accessories, boots, etc–which can be really sexy. To be clear, the NB is vehemently against all things Jonas. But sometimes we like their clothes…and their hair-cuts…and only because they have totally ripped off our look.
The Small Knot
This knot is up...and tight...
Again, if you’re a very thin woman wearing a very thin tie, this one could work. If you are not, this will make you look like the most anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive tie-wearing lesbian in all the land. It may be the perfect look for work if your job involves some sort of micro-analytic skills or is in a very strict setting. There is something kind of sexy about someone so uptight–but bare in mind, women are going to think you’re into the kinky stuff. Remember: many times we teach people about ourselves by sending opposite messages in our manner of dress.
The Four In Hand Knot
Goes well with a sharkskin jacket.
This is a joke. Seriously, if you’re four years old and this is your fourth attempt to tie a tie, it’s adorable. Or if you’re going to a retro eighties party as one of the members of A-HA, it’s fine. Short of that, please, just leave the tie at home. This is no way to present yourself. Even when done correctly, this knot looks a mess. At the bar, you’ll look like a poser who has no idea what she’s doing. You’ll never convince the girl to come sailing with you if this is the first knot she sees. And that’s why we all head to the bars, right? No? Then why are there so many girls in boat shoes?
The Pratt (or Shelby) Knot
Ah the sweet spot!
Can’t go wrong with the Shelby. This knot says, I’m suave, confident, and I understand the power of my actions. The perfectly centered dimple hints that there’s more than meets the eye. The soft, medium-sized knot implies a certain amount of modesty. Yes, this is the knot for the dark-horse, the sleeper. It’s so perfect it will go unnoticed by most; but for the select few with keen eyes, your taste and execution will be appreciated, lauded even. Like a warm brandy and a fat cigar–or, if you’re under the age of 50 a fresh berry smoothie and a great article in the Village Voice. This knot represents all things cool and enjoyable. The NB highly recommends!
The Double Windsor
Symetry? Check. Proportionality? Check. Confidence? Double Check. This is the knot of perfection. The Double Windsor screams competence, confidence, and super-sexidence. This tie says: “Don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control. Sit back, and enjoy the ride.” This is the knot of the top, the knot of elegance, of genteel manners; in short, it is the official knot of the NB.
We realize there are a number of other knots to be addressed. We apologize we couldn’t fit them all into one entry. There’s plenty more blogging to do; we’ll get there, knot to worry.